13 Jun Debunking the Confidence Myth: Let’s Unlock your potential
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “Wow, I wish I had what they have! I wish I could present like that. I wish I could show up like that. I wish I could speak up like that. They seem so confident and at ease with themselves. I just wish I had more confidence!” ” If so, you’re not alone. Many of us have fallen into the trap of believing that confidence is an innate trait – something you’re either born with or without. But here’s the truth: confidence is not a fixed quality; it’s a mindset and set of skills that can be learned and developed over time.
Confidence is often portrayed as an innate trait – something you’re either born with or without. A mystical quality that separates the successful from the rest. However, this perception couldn’t be further from the truth. Confidence is not a fixed characteristic; it’s a learned mindset and set of behaviours that can be developed over time.
The myth that confidence is an inherent quality can be debilitating, leading many to believe they lack the capacity to develop this essential attribute. But the reality is, confidence is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, shaped by our experiences, stories, and the narratives we tell ourselves. Confidence is about embracing your strengths, acknowledging your weaknesses, and cultivating a mindset that empowers you to take on challenges with resilience and grace.
At its core, confidence is a combination of beliefs and behaviours. By reframing our limiting beliefs and adopting empowering behaviours, we can unlock our true potential and cultivate confidence from within. When we believe in ourselves and our abilities, we’re more likely to take risks, persist through obstacles, and embrace opportunities for growth. And when we engage in confident behaviours – like good posture, making eye contact, and speaking clearly – we reinforce those positive beliefs about ourselves.
The Science Behind Confidence
Research in the field of psychology has shed light on the nature of confidence and its impact on our lives. Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of self-confidence tend to experience greater success, better mental health, and stronger relationships (Baumeister et al., 2003). So it’s worth investing in!
Confidence is not just a feeling; it’s a mindset that influences our thoughts, emotions, and actions. When we believe in ourselves and our abilities, we are more likely to take risks, persist in the face of challenges, and embrace opportunities for growth (Bandura, 1997).
Debunking the Fallacy of Confidence
One of the most significant barriers to building confidence is the belief that it is a fixed trait. However, research has consistently demonstrated that confidence is a dynamic state that can be developed and nurtured (Ericsson & Pool, 2016).
Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist and author of “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” introduced the concept of growth mindset versus fixed mindset. Individuals with a growth mindset believe that their abilities can be developed through effort and practice, while those with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities are static and unchangeable. By adopting a growth mindset, we can challenge the limiting beliefs that hold us back and embrace a mindset of continuous learning and improvement.
But building confidence isn’t always easy. We all have moments of self-doubt, fear of failure, and limiting beliefs that hold us back. That’s why it’s so important to have a toolkit of strategies to help you cultivate authentic confidence from within.
Here are some great tips to help you unlock your potential:
Reframe Nervousness as Excitement and embrace humility
That fluttering in your stomach or sweaty palms? It’s not necessarily anxiety or fear – it could just be excitement! Reframing those physical sensations as excitement can actually help you perform better. Try telling yourself these feelings are excitement and you’ll feel more confident. It can lead to better outcomes. Also, being a bit nervous isn’t a bad thing; it signals that you care about how you do and the outcome. In fact, when we’re not nervous, sometimes we start to slack off and get complacent, not paying as much attention because we think, “I’ve got this.” A little nervousness shows humility, not low self-esteem, and humility keeps us focused.
Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity
Fear of failure or rejection is a common barrier to confidence. We all have failed, and we’ve all succeeded because of how our brain works. We tend to focus on the things that are negative, and we tend to remember where we failed rather than our successes. The thing is, when we focus on failure, it’s because we fear that failure is fatalistic and final – that failure signals the end. In reality, failure is usually far less dramatic. We didn’t get hurt. We didn’t get the job or the date, but most of the rest of the world never even knows about it. Failure is only final when it makes us quit. As long as we’re trying, as long as we are making meaningful progress, we are in the middle, not the end.
However, failures do not define us; they are opportunities for growth. By reframing failures as stepping stones rather than roadblocks, we can cultivate a growth mindset and build resilience, as demonstrated by research on grit and perseverance (Duckworth, 2016). For most of us, when we feel we lack confidence, we are afraid of something, and most commonly, it’s the fear of failure or the fear of rejection. We are afraid of what that will tell us about ourselves – that we can’t do it – and what it may tell others – that we are losers. It’s important to remember that our failures do not define us. There’s no doubt that our failures affect us, but not necessarily in a negative way. Failures can define us if we use them to move forward, but mostly, we think that failure will finish us.
Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Our beliefs about ourselves are often shaped by past experiences and narratives. Identify and challenge the limiting beliefs that hold you back, and replace them with empowering narratives that align with your true potential. When you become aware of and address your negative thought patterns you are in a better position to choose more effective responses.
Practice being kind and understanding to yourself
Perfectionism and self-criticism can erode confidence. Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, just as you would a child that you care about. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff has shown that self-compassion is associated with increased motivation, resilience, and overall well-being (Neff, 2011). How you talk to yourself is just as important as how you talk to others. Someone said to me once, ‘’If the voice in your head were a friend of yours, would you want them to be?” Swap out your inner critic to become your inner coach
Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence is built through a series of small victories. Note them down and be sure to celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Celebrate the opening of an envelope! Use these wins as fuel to propel you forward. Reread them when you feel yourself slipping. Ask people to tell you what you did well, and note that down too. The power of small wins has been highlighted in research by Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer, demonstrating their positive impact on motivation and productivity (Amabile & Kramer, 2011).
Seek Support and Mentorship
Surround yourself with good people and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Cultivate a supportive network and seeking guidance from mentors can provide invaluable encouragement and insights on your journey to confidence. And it’s ok, in fact it’s great, to ask for help. The power of having good people around your is invaluable – for the good times and the bad. Positive relationships and good social support has been show to increase self-esteem, resilience, and overall well-being.
Growth Mindset
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is our confidence. Nor is it a destination; it’s a continuous journey of learning and growth. When you embrace a growth mindset and seek opportunities to expand your knowledge and skills, it will reinforce your belief in your abilities. Try using sentences such as: ‘I’m not there…. Yet!’ Or ‘I am working on my ability to be better at …. (speaking up in meetings).
Deliberate Practice
There is both the psychology of self-confidence and the actual skills that enable and support us to be confident. Knowing that our skills are developable is so importance. Hence the need for embracing a growth mindset to build on those skills. Research by Anders Ericsson and colleagues has highlighted the importance of deliberate practice in developing expertise and confidence. Championship coach, Monica Aldama has been known to say to her team ‘Keep going until you get it right! And then keep going until you can’t get it wrong.’ Now I’m sure you’ve all been told that you have to practice if you want to get good at something to gain confidence. But it’s not just any practice that matters, it’s precise practice. It’s about being selective and working on the skills that need developing. Hone in on the skills that need the most work, or that are your weak spot and focus in on those to use and practice every free moment you have. Practice practice practice.
Take Risks
Unless you’re willing to try new things and take risks, you’re unlikely to uncover what you’re really capable of. Even though you may feel slightly uncomfortable, being willing to try something new (and even fail at it a few times) will help you uncover your strengths and capabilities. We often underdefine ourselves, because we haven’t tested our capabilities. It’s about being honest with ourselves and recognising what we still need to learn and then embrace opportunities to prove you can do difficult things.
C’mon. What are you waiting for?
If you’re ready to embark on your journey towards being and feeling confident, then get in touch. Together, we’ll uncover where that self-doubt comes from and cultivate a mindset that empowers you to take on challenges with resilience and grace. Let’s unlock your inner confidence and empower you to live your life to the fullest potential.
Engage with me today, and let’s start your journey towards unlocking your confidence and limitless possibilities. Together we can shatter the myth of confidence and unleash your potential.
You can email me or use the link below to book in a chat to see how I may be able to help:
https://calendly.com/trinapitcher/20-minute-discovery-chat-with-trina-pitcher